Steve Halley, LSCSW
Welcome to our blog. These posts share some of the many tried and true tools, skills, and techniques that the Family Peace Initiative has found to be valuable through the years.
We hope that this Facilitator's Tool Box will become a resource for you in your own quest to be the best facilitator you can be. We will be adding new blog posts monthly. Enjoy!
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Welcome to the first edition of the Family Piece Initiative (FPI) Intern’s Blog. This blog will be written by Katie Z. and Anna K., both social work interns, who will be spending the next nine moths learning how to intervene with those who batter. It is our pleasure to share with you some of our learning experiences as we pursue the knowledge and skills to become facilitators for a batter intervention program (BIP).
The first significant lesson we learned at FPI was through an orientation class. Orientation is the first class that participants attend during their 27-week program. We were invited to engage in the class alongside participants who had been court-mandated to the program. Shortly after this class began, it became obvious that we were going to be asked to become vulnerable and take ownership for our own cruel behaviors, exactly what we ask of our participants. Somehow, in what seemed like just a few minutes, the facilitator had all of us sharing things about ourselves that we wouldn’t normally share in every day conversation. Her approach seemed so natural, but we are still not sure how she so easily got us to open up. It was sobering for us to participate in a process that asked us to examine our own beliefs, attitudes, and adverse emotions. It became clear that the FPI journey to becoming a skilled facilitator begins with the ability to look at ourselves.
Ten days after the horrific event, the answers to so many questions about Stephen Paddock’s motive for creating death and destruction in Las Vegas remain unknown. USA Today: October 11, 2017, when referring to Sheriff Joe Lombardo, reported: “Lombardo told the Las Vegas Review-Journal that investigators have interviewed Paddock’s entire family, including his two ex-wives. He said the investigation is progressing, but that a motive for the shooting has not been determined. We may never know,” Lombardo said, “All those things that you would expect to find, we have not found.”
As we watch the news unfold, there have been many predictions, not the least of which is that Paddock must be a batterer. Some have seized the opportunity to declare that almost all of those who are terrorists battered their partner. The challenge with this thinking is that we haven’t refined our approach—it is as if every domestic batterer is prone to mow down others without provocation. We know that domestic violence is common while murder is rare. It is a mistake to think all murderers have the same motive, just as it is a mistake to think all batterers have the same motive.
One of the men who completed the Family Peace Initiative program made a statement a while back that has really stuck with me. He said, “I always thought that my job was to protect my family from monsters who might hurt them. I will never forget the day I looked in the mirror and realized that the monster was not outside the house, but living inside the walls of our home. I realized for the first time that the monster was me.” How is it possible that this man could be completely oblivious to the fact that he is “the monster” his family needs protection from?
In our approach to trauma-focused batterer intervention, we ask people to become responsible for two things: 1) The first is to be accountable for the cruelty that they have used against others; and 2) The second is to become responsible for healing the impact of the cruelty that was done to them long before they could do anything to prevent it. The cruelty they experienced as a child can never be their fault, but they must take on the responsibility to heal the impact of those experiences. To show how these two components are linked, let me give you an example of how it plays out in routine conversations in our group room.
Russ arrived at my office for his initial domestic violence assessment. He had been arrested for domestic violence, and was seeking a diversion agreement with the district attorney. As a condition prior to the diversion being granted, Russ was asked to complete a DV assessment with me. He was a business owner in a small town. He did not want this situation going to court because it could certainly heap embarrassment on him and his family, and impact his business.
I interviewed Russ for nearly two hours. He began his assessment by telling me that he was completely embarrassed that he had hit his wife. He explained that Bethany had an affair with a co-worker. Russ confronted her shortly after he had found pictures of Bethany and the co-worker on her phone in a compromising situation. The confrontation turned to yelling, and during the yelling, she stood up and pushed Russ. Russ slapped her in the "heat of the moment", and Bethany called the police.
COMMUNITY PROGRAMS
